Column

i remember telling you once
that i would stop writing about people

people who somehow
always end up hurting me

hurting me enough
to make me cry
the kind of cry
that feels like grief

regrettably
those people become important

i see them every day
i talk to them
and slowly
without noticing
they become part of my routine

my day to day

i get used to their presence
the sound of their voice
their laugh
their humor
even their habits

and i begin to build around them

i feel calm with them
safe
alive

after a while
i realize how much they matter

i tell them

they say they feel it too

a friendship forms
so close
it feels structural

like if they disappear
everything collapses

they become irreplaceable

it happened to me again

recently

i did not think too much at first
i let it grow quietly

and unfortunately
things did not work out

honestly
i ruined it

i know that

and now that he is gone
i feel alone

abandoned

sad in a way that sits in the chest

the worst part

he seems unaffected

he looks the same
steady
untouched

no visible sign
that he needed me

that hurts more than the leaving

i made him a column in my life
one of the pillars
holding everything upright

firm
stable

and when it was time to give back
what was given

i failed

you were attentive
and instead of returning that care
i became greedy

i wanted more

more
and more

i am sorry

i know things will not be the same

i accept that

i just hope
that one day
when you look back

you see me

and understand
it was never my intention to harm

and maybe

in that future

i will be different

not someone else

just
better