Attachment Style

i am the kind of person who can build galaxies out of crumbs.
give me a word and i will stretch it into a paragraph.
give me a dot and i will swear it is a constellation waiting to be named.

i have always loved meaning.
i dissect tone, pauses, the way someone says “okay.”
i read between lines that were never even written.
everything feels symbolic. everything feels layered.

but here is the part that unravels me.
when love leaves, i cannot decode it.
i cannot annotate heartbreak.
i cannot outline my way out of it.

i watch people close chapters like they are turning off a light.
breakups, illusions, one sided loves
they fold them neatly and move forward.

i do not.

once i let someone in,
once i attach,
my nervous system memorizes them.
the sound of their laugh.
the timing of their replies.
the almosts.

and when it ends,
i loop.

round and round
like a hamster convincing itself the wheel is progress.
like running in circles hoping the ground will open into an exit.

i cry over what was
and what never even was.
over spilled milk
over imagined futures
over potential.

i tell myself i need to learn how to move on.
i tell myself i need to stop magnifying the small things.
to stop turning crumbs into universes.
to become lighter. less attached.

but maybe the lesson is not becoming a different person.
maybe it is learning how to hold depth without drowning in it.
how to feel fully without looping endlessly.

i do not need to erase who i am.
i just need to learn
how to step off the wheel…